This leads into my thoughts this morning upon awakening at 5:30 am…that my focus seems to be kinda dark, and more ranting than blissful spiritual talk. Which got me to thinking that the reason I’m going through depression and anxiety is because I’m going through and transmuting my negative shit…which is what spirituality is really about. It’s not about rainbows and puppies and flowers and birds singing in a beautiful, sunny garden. Nope, nada, no way! It is actually a journey through your darkness so you can find that beautiful sunny garden, which probably only exists on the Other Side. I’m not dissing beautiful sunny gardens, or the desire to find one, build one, live in one. The goal is an admirable one. It’s where I’m trying to get to as well!

But we live in this negative matrix of physical reality on the planet Earth…bliss is a pattern to set up in our lives, AFTER we get rid of all the negative, dark shadow aspects that prevent us from finding, seeing and living in that lovely garden. It’s a lot of work…most of us have many issues and lessons to learn in order to become perfect again, reach Nirvana, and becoming one with God. And because we are in this dense physical reality of negativity, those lessons will not be learned the easy way (thank you ickyons!). Not at all…souls come down to Earth in order to fast-track through those lessons…this is the fastest way to perfect yourself. Only the brave come to Earth…it’s also the hardest way to perfect yourself.


I look at these peaceful, happy New Agers and envy them. But I also wonder if they are for real. Although looking back at my life, there have been times in my life when I was one of them too. Sadly, those periods never lasted more than a couple of years though.

I think spirituality is a process…times of heavy drudgery as we slug through the negative garbage in our souls, and brighter times to either reward us for the work done, or remind us that there are benefits to doing the work. Actually, I was in one of those happier, more spiritually enlightened times, where I shined with Love and Light and could help others a couple of years ago. Then the other shoe dropped. Damn! How many shoes are there?!?!?! LOL I am old enough to remember that this has happened several times in my life…the cycling from happy, light spirituality – to heavy, dark depression while I worked on my darkness. I’m just coming out of another depression, and I’m seeing some light. Thank you God!

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