I’m feeling a little morose today…I wonder why I am not more along in my spiritual journey. It’s not like I haven’t been on it for all my life! I started meditating at 13…40 years ago now! My kundalini was activated when I was 26 yrs old…that was 27 years ago. Why aren’t I more advanced, enlightened, successful? If I was more enlightened, wouldn’t I be more successful? Not struggling to survive, living below the poverty level. Why can’t I manifest better? Why aren’t I more enlightened…I should be better since I’ve been awakened for so long! I still have no idea why I’m here, and everyone around me seems to be doing so much better than I am. WTH??? What am I doing wrong? Was it the attachment? Why did I have one? I have been consistently shielding every day for almost 2 years now…why did one happen? Even if it was there before, shouldn’t it have dissolved by now? I throw enough white light around to have dissolved all hooks and attachments! I have declared sovereignty and exerted my free will to be free of all negativity…yet, I am still struggling terribly with it! WTH? What is the lesson here?

Okay…maybe my focus is on that negativity…maybe I need to focus on the positive. Stop looking at all these conspiracy theories and investigating the Matrix/reptilians/archons. I’ve stopped watching the news, have even stayed away from Facebook and all the damn political shit. But the negativity is insidious…why am I finding out info about this other bad stuff? It feels like it’s important to know this occult stuff…we can only change that which we know about. It has to become common knowledge so we can stop it. How does this relate on a personal level? I just don’t know what to focus on any longer. sigh.

I was doing better…have done better at other points in my life. But this century has sucked, and I feel so stuck…things are not changing, not getting better, but not getting worse either I guess. Just the same old rut, and I don’t know what to do about it. There are no windows of opportunities, no doors to walk through…I’m surrounded by tall smooth walls that cannot be scaled. Why is the energy so stuck? I can’t believe this is a natural component of the ascension process. I know it can be, for those who are just awakening. But that’s not me…I’ve been awake and aware for decades! Why am I not like these other successful psychics and New Age people? What am I doing wrong? And how do I make it right?

Going to psychics myself does not help at all…they don’t tell me anything useful, and I suspect most of them can’t read me. I had one actually say so, and give me back my money. I think the others are trying to help, but aren’t actually getting anything. Maybe…I’m not supposed to be here? Am I an illusion? Well…this illusion wants to go Home.

Addendum: Found this article on “7 Reasons Why Your Spiritual Awakening Has Come to a Sudden Stop”