Okay…I’ve already discussed the eviction notice, and how I’m having trouble finding a place that I can afford. Well, my sister called me yesterday to say that a friend of hers just told her of an opening in that friend’s apartment building, and that her friend only pays $450/mo plus utilities. So I called the place yesterday, only to be told that there is a waiting list and that someone else was going to look at the place. I gave the receptionist my sob story about becoming homeless by the end of the month, and she said she’d put me at the top of the list if another came available.

Well, I just got a call from the place about a one bedroom apt for $540 plus. When I asked what the utilities ran, he said it depends…anywhere from a couple of hundred to maybe fifty dollars. I’ve been talking to other people with one bedrooms, and they said their utilities are running about $100-$125/mo. I cannot afford $640- $665/mo…I only get $1100/mo to live on! I currently pay $575 inclusive, and it’s a struggle most months. There’s more than just groceries to worry about each month. sigh

I made an appointment to go look at the place tomorrow at 11 am, but I find that I am feeling so badly anxious that my stomach hurts and I’m having diarrhea. TMI maybe, but that just goes to show how badly I’m reacting here. I think it’s a bad sign, but I am trying to remain optimistic until I check the place out. Winter is coming, and it’s supposed to be a very cold, snowy one, according to the Farmer’s Almanac. They’re generally pretty accurate. I’m having visions of high heating bills here. bleah I do not want to have to scrimp and scrounge come the winter. I already have problems with not having enough groceries by the end of the month!

Now I’ve been asking for some confirmation about what will happen with my new place that I need to find before the end of the month. I did have a dream the other night about going to this apartment building, and there was a big number 18 on it…this is the address of the geared-to-income apartments just down the street. I know there is an available apt there now, but there’s a list, and I’ve heard there is another apt coming due soon too. I am really hoping to get in there, since geared to income would be 30% of my income…roughly $353/mo inclusive. Wow…to have some extra money! I need new clothes so badly, and new shoes, and new underwear….sigh All of mine are a couple of decades old now. sigh. And the underwear and jeans are now too small…I have a couple of hand-me-downs from my sister, but they are actually too big.

Oh…and the confirmations aren’t really coming in for me. When my sister was moving out and leaving her husband, she asked for confirmations and has found dozens of dimes! I said I needed quarters (for the laundry) instead, and found one that very afternoon. It’s the only one so far. I’ve seen a couple of dragonflies, granted at times when I was doing something regarding the search for an apartment, but nothing really came from those attempts. I have also been seeing the car Corolla…my guardian angel’s name is Carolla, and I know that it’s a sign from her. Two of the novels I have read recently also had the main character’s car be Corollas. So a little bit of confirmation, but not any rousing support here. 😦

I just don’t feel good about this apt for some reason, although I do recognize that it’s the cheapest I have found to date, but should I take it, or wait for the geared-to-income people to contact me at the last minute? Or pray they contact me at the last minute? bleah I am really trying not to stress here…please God, help me to have faith that it will all work out! Help me to know what to do tomorrow! I will not cry…I will not cry…I will not curl up in a ball due to an anxiety attack…bleah Yeah, my low monthly income is due to being on socially assisted disability for severe chronic depression and panic disorder. Although it’s more like GAD – generalized anxiety disorder. It only becomes panic attacks if the anxiety remains too high. Oh please…don’t let me have a panic attack!!! Just breathe…sigh. yeah, sigh’s count as deep breaths, right??? :/