Well, I went to see that apartment, and it turns out it’s a basement apartment. I had really wanted a balcony for the cats though. And although it’s a very nice apartment to be totally honest, it still feels out of reach financially. This is very discouraging, since this is the cheapest I have found to date. But my sister’s friend who also has a one bedroom apartment here, told her she pays $150/mo for utilities. That now puts this apartment in the $690 range…geez…I cannot afford this! Granted, it is a basement apartment, so the heating and cooling costs should be lower, and it is on the North Side of the building. But how am I going to afford this? I already run out of groceries at the end of the month at more than a hundred bucks less…this move will not make my life easier! I feel like crying…bleah

I saw this post on my Reader list this morning…is this a sign that I shouldn’t be worrying? The post is entitled “STOP STRUGGLING: It’s A Waste of Your Time & You Know It!” and it states:

However, the focus on the struggle is precisely what causes so much struggle in the world today. Because humans often identify as creatures who have to fight to survive, that has become the reality for many, many people.

Those who believe they have to fight to survive end up fighting over, and over, and over again.

Stop struggling against that which you don’t want. Struggling only puts all of your energy directly into a situation you do not want to inflame.

Accept what is.

Stop struggling. Learn to go with what life throws at you. Take a deep breath, relax, and focus on the present moment. Stay in the moment and make the peace in each moment more important than any perceived threat from the past or the future. This is how you live life without fighting to survive.

This reminds me of another article I read that spoke about having taken vows in past lives that are still impacting us in our current lifetime. Angie Yingst is an intuitive coach and crystal healer who has regressed people to past lives where vows of poverty has resulted in energetic blockages that are very resistant to healing.

A vow is a sacred commitment taken with such determination and resignation that it lasts until it is rescinded. Often, these vows, particularly taken by those in religious orders, remain solemn promises even when that experience of religious life is centuries in the past. These past life vows can have deleterious effects on people’s present life.

Wow! Could this be my problem??? I do remember a lifetime in which I was a Franciscan monk, and I know I took a vow of silence, chastity and probably poverty. Could those religious vows still be holding me back now, 500 plus years later??? Angie goes on to relate about a client whose past life was as a nun who worked with the destitute. Her blockages came not just from her vow of poverty taken that lifetime, but also “her unconscious past life prejudices about the injustice of wealth and the wealthy.” The woman needed to do release this past life stuff in order to prosper now. They did a crystal layout, but what seems most significant to me is that they were working outside of time, in the Now.

The concept of Parallel Work, which removes the linear time veil and opens dimensions, is something Katrina Raphaell talks about in her book Crystal Healing. She writes, “We have been conditioned and programmed to view time as a linear event with a beginning, a duration and an end.” (pg. 49) Through advanced third eye layouts, crystal healers can guide our clients into the perception of time as non-linear, so they can tap into the eternal Self. When we help our client dissolve the illusion of time, so they can experience the ever-present “Now”. Raphaell goes on to say that, “As we learn to time travel in this way, it will be possible to integrate the lessons of each life experience and create a bridge that will link our parallel existences and fragmented aspects of identity into one unified sense of self.” (pg. 50)

Hmmm…I’ve been incorporating assertions of my Free Will into my nightly meditations, dissolving all contracts and agreements made by negative beings and members of the False Light. It would seem that the whole vow of poverty thing is outside of this assertion I am making to free myself from the Dark’s hold. Although the Church is definitely of the False Light, as far as I’m concerned. Does it matter if my soul extension from 500 years ago didn’t know that? I guess Parallel Work would say no. hmmm…I think I need to work on this. Interesting that this has come up now, when I’m stressing so much about finding a new place to live by month’s end.

I guess I would need to work on what this parallel life work would be like, how it would feel, and come up with an affirmation to use to change things. I do like the one that they used:

“I release any vows of poverty I have taken, ever, in any time, space, place or dimension, in any lifetime I have ever lived. With gratitude, I acknowledge that this Vow has offered me lessons on many level. I have learned and accepted all the lessons associated with this vow in all dimensions and time spaces.”

Okay…I guess I will be adding this to my night time meditation…geez…will I ever get to sleep? LOL But I do KNOW that something is holding me back from abundance and prosperity, and I have been working for a few years now on trying to make things better for myself. This is no doubt another piece of the puzzle. Can I do this before the end of the month??? Can I manage to find a better and cheaper place to live after all? I do know I need to keep the faith, despite all the naysayers in the world who are telling me differently. The caseworkers who say that there are 2 year waiting lists and that there’s nothing out there for me. That I may not be able to have 3 cats because there are restrictions in some places. I have to believe that one of the geared-to-income apartments will become available for me, and I can take all my furbabies with me…I desperately need it to be so!

A burning question…what the hell does this all have to do with Ascension? Why am I going through this? I assumed it’s to bring me to a better place…not a worse place where I have to worry about keeping my kitties and finances even more! Please God, guardian angel, spirit guides…help me out here! I asked for a sign while I was either going to, or coming back from, the apartment building, and I didn’t get one. But the deposit holds the place for me…just in case. bleah You would think that I would be stressing less now, but my anxiety is still very high, and I feel like crying. WTF?!?!? sigh