Yeah, I’ve been on a negative rant for quite a while now, haven’t I? sigh I’m sick of all the hardships…when is this ascension thing happening already?!?!?!

Well, today started off shitty with the workmen coming around quarter after 7 (AM!) to work on the front entrance, which is beside my bedroom window. bleah I am not a morning person, and hate to be woken up. Even moreso when I was awake between 2:30 am and just before 6 am. I was not ready to be awake again at 7:18am! I had my alarm set for 8 am since I had an early morning appointment with the vet. My poor beloved Anakin has been drooling a lot lately, and I took him in to find out what is wrong. It turns out he has 2 rotten teeth that need removing, to the tune of $250 + dollars. sigh. I’m hating this feeling of lack again. Thankfully they take payments, but still…it’s gonna take me months to pay off that much. sigh. Why is this happening???

I know I’ve discussed about echoes of negativity that come up to see if you have learned the lesson and to ensure you have changed. I know I will manage somehow, but more than the money, I hate that my poor furbaby is suffering with a problem like this. I take very good care of my 3 cats, feed them good quality food, and give them probiotics and bromelain and other supplements to help them maintain health and vitality. I haven’t been able to get rid of the fleas (the flea baths that cost me $30 didn’t work very well) and I have been waiting since Oct 31st for the Advantage to come in from a place called The site said 5 days, and no more than 2-3 weeks, based on location. Ummm..I’m in Canada, so shouldn’t it be the 5 days????

I am working very hard to not feel discouraged and upset today…I hate having to leave my Anakin behind at the vet’s overnight. I can pick him up in the morning, but he’s never had to stay overnight somewhere. He’s 11 years old, and I hope he’s okay. He’s in another town on top of it all. It feels weird with only 2 of them here, and I know that my other male Nefari is missing his buddy Anakin. The female Missy couldn’t care less about her half-brother! LOL But I miss him too, and am hoping he’s not lonely and scared where-ever they have him. My poor baby! sigh 😥 They are very busy at this animal hospital, so I doubt they have any time for him. He can be something of a suck. But he’s a sweetheart, and I miss him. I hope the operation goes well!!! I’ve been there, done that too…had teeth removed. I’m missing 5 molars actually, but it sucks to have teeth removed. And damn expensive! 😦

But the doubts about the apartment are more than the fact of my poor kitties problems…I hate that they’re doing maintenance and construction early in the morning. A couple of weeks ago, someone was out on a riding lawnmower at 7:30 am. After it rained. Don’t they know they aren’t supposed to cut wet grass??? But what is this about doing noisy things so early in the morning? Seriously, that is too early to expect people to be awake and up. Do I complain and take the chance that the maintenance people won’t come to my aid when I need it? Or am I overthinking this? sigh

I’m beginning to think that this move isn’t going to be the positive change I had hoped for…my apartment is by the entrances, and the stairs, and I can hear people coming and going all the time. There is a woman with 2 small kids who like to run up and down the stairs. I can hear the water works in the walls. And there’s maintenance people who are morning people. bleah I hate apartment living. I didn’t even get a balcony. sigh.

Even though being at 33 Pearl St, which I looked up numerologically here, seems to mean that the ascended masters are with me, I’m not feeling them any longer. And I’ve been reading about the ascended masters as members of the False Light too…which makes me wonder about them. This does feel like a False Light thing…help me find a place and make me think it’s a good thing, when in fact it’s not. It’s just a place to live, nothing special.

I guess I should be more grateful that I found someplace…I did not wind up homeless. Yeah, I am grateful…I just am so ready to be done with the whole quiet desperation living thing. Please God…help me here. I am losing hope and can’t find my joy.